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Gleaming The Cube

    Exploitive.  Cheesy.  Terribly written.  These are the reasons Gleaming The Cube has to be one of
my favorite movies of all time.  And anyone who disagrees is just in denial.
    Every time this movie is on the USA Network it cracks me up.  From the totally gratuitous skating
scene after Vinh dies to whenever we see a 18 year old Tony Hawk.  And the fact that Christian Slater sports a “punk” Crass logo on the back of his stonewashed denim jacket is just the coolest thing.  And you need some more punk influences, how about The Dickies doing a song for the soundtrack.  Come on, you know you love this movie.
    Then there’s the ever so infamous cast and crew.  Lets start with the director, Mr. Graeme Clifford.  Right after the movie ends, it flashes his name in big letters, and for a little more emphasis—they underlined it.  This leaves me with a dilemma though.  Did the producers realize Graeme’s true genius and want everyone to know?  Or did they want everyone to know for an entirely different reason;  to put the blame for this movie on Graeme.  I think it’s the first option, lets be logical here.  Well, like the producers, I saw his genius and I wanted more.  So I researched a bit and found his list of films that he directed via the Internet Movie Database ( .  Unfortunately, the public hasn’t been very supportive to Graeme.  I must admit, I never even have heard of the movies listed.  Gleaming The Cube was his biggest movie, though, ranking in $2.77 million dollars!  Of course, that is the gross figure.  Better luck next time Graeme.
    Then we have Max Perlich.  This is the guy who looks like he was twelve years old in the movie.
You remember him, he was the guy who lived in the fallout shelter and was the skateboard parts genius.  Well you can still see Max every week on Homicide!  He still looks twelve.
    Don’t forget though—we still have Christian Slater!  The success story out of Gleaming The Cube!  In fact on USA’s Double Feature that airs everyday it’s possible to see him in both of the movies:  Gleaming The Cube and Kuffs!  But even commercial audiences loved him in a bit more “reputable” movies such as Heathers, Pump Up The Volume, Interview With A Vampire, and that one other movie where he has the baboon heart.  But the curse of Gleaming The Cube hit Christian, too.  In the past couple of months, it was announced to the world that he uses drugs, beats up his girlfriend, and. . .beats up more people.  Way to go Christian!  He is now serving a 90 day jail sentence.
    Do you know the alternate titles for the now infamous Gleaming The Cube?  Well now you do:  A
Brothers Justice or Skate or Die.  Though those titles rivet me up and down, I’m glad the filmakers chose Gleaming The Cube for the simple fact that I find great inspiration in it.  For the few who have not seen this movie, gleaming the cube basically means perfection.  Everytime I try and set out to do something, I strive to “gleam the cube.”  It’s really a beautiful mantra.  See, at the end Christian “gleams the cube” and skateboards across the LA highways feverishly to beat the bad guys.  And oh boy does he ever!  Bops mean Mr. Lawndale right on the head with his souped up Nash.  Unfortunately, this ruins the board, but Christian gleamed the cube and won!  Now he can sleap easy, for he solved the mystery of his brothers murder.  Good job.